As Expected, This Shit is a Roller Coaster Ride

First, let me get a beer. Or perhaps just some nutella. I do have an Italian quiz tomorrow. I'll just settle for some pesca te (peach tea).

So. Week one of grad school has gone by, and I would say I enjoyed about 50% of class time more or less. The after class activities last week were great though. One night was spent watching films from my movement teacher's past work, another was dinner at the founding director's (from Little Rock) huge villa, and the last was a surprisingly enjoyable student "show-off-time" caberet.

Class though... is proving.... somewhat unpleasant sometimes. Now, I describe this to you from a decidedly pessimistic mood, so take it for what it's worth.

First of all, classes are loooong. At least two hours, sometimes four. Because of this, I have consistently reached a time during class where I say to myself, "how much longer?" I get bored. Or frustrated. But because I must continue and cannot leave, I generally fall back into things for a time before I again think, "is it over yet?" Plus, all of my teachers tend to run over for a few minutes. Very annoying.

Secondly, my faith in the institution has both strengthened and wavered. Strengthened in the sense that I am more sure than ever that the faculty are truly experts in their fields and well-versed in teaching their techniques. This does not mean that I am always interested in the topics of study, but I am sure that they are not making it up at least. Now, on the wavering front, the administrative side of things is constantly crumbling; unexpected meetings, costs, and requirements pop up every other day or so. For example, we owe the school some surprise security deposit for the spaces we are using. Also, the other student's housing has turned out to be less than satisfactory (thank god I'm not in that boat). One student quit before we began, and so the students living with him will have to cover the cost of his absence. Our study abroad in Torino is very complicated because we have an odd number of students, and so everyone wants a cheap room, but that isn't possible. So, unjustly, someone is just going to get stuck paying at least 130 euro more than they others to live in Torino. And so on and so forth...

Finally, I have come to suspect that the students chosen to study here for this first round of the MFA program were in some part chosen simply because they were interested. Some are so far behind in simple physical theatre technique that extra class time must regularly be spent solely on them, others are actually so out of tune with their body that they accidentally hurt other students. They are really sucky pretty much, and because of that I feel deceived. I trusted that they wouldn't allow any students into the program that wouldn't excel, but clearly that isn't the case. And about half of them are overweight. Not necessarily out of shape, but definitely not in shape. I fear that I might have been one of their top picks.... and to me, that doesn't speak well to the options they had at auditions. I actually despise one classmate so much that we he comes near me in class, I am repulsed. And I am forced to partner with him regularly! And because there is an odd number, I am often forced to be in a trio with him while the others get to spend more time practicing in their pairs...

I know I am being shallow, and that it is me who has the problem, but I am becoming increasingly judgemental of certain classmates seemingly out of my control! I can't seem to turn it off or view the positive things about these people (BC THEY HAVE NONE).

There are some classmates that are ok, but no one is really sticking out to me as cool. I am eternally grateful that my best friend is here. I can vent to him and that is great. Otherwise I would be venting to my classmates, and I don't want to bring my negativity into the mix.

Oh, also, last week the one classmate I despise (simply for his all around awkwardness, blandness, lack of sense of humor, and constant "tips") had to go to the hosipital in the middle of the night for "kidney stones" (that mysteriously have disappeared now), and Phil took the heat for not helping him get there more. Now, first of all Phil did exactly as he was instructed-- call Monica-- and just because she was unreachable, he was supposed to know what to do on his 5th day of work? Plus, the repulsive dude lives an hour away and right next to the hospital. Just. go. to. the. fucking. hospital. DUH. Do you need Phil's permission? Anyway, so there was a flurry of administrative bloopers the following day due to that. These people need extra staff to take care of the non-academic side of things.

The plus side of teletubby (my nickname for the repulsive one) going to the hospital in the middle of the night was his absence in class the following day. Ah... bliss. If only he would quit. Or someone would! This 13 things bothers me both because of its history as an unlucky number, and its constant awkwardness when we need to get into groups of two or three.

Anyway, I am not feeling super excited about anything right now. Except the delicious food that is served here three times a day! Spring rolls for lunch today was awesome.

So, I better put the pesca te back into the fridge, shower, and start on my plethora of Italian homework.

Ciao, bitches.

Joyfull

Have I ever felt inspired as often as now?

This place, these teachers, these people. I am wrapped in comfort, like a baby who is ready to take his first step. I feel like this may be the first, the only time where I have ever felt like I can do anything, and whatever I do, it will be rejoiced.

This first week of classes has been full of its ups and downs. I am so sore, so tired. Yet, when I'm happy I'm flying so high. This isn't perfect. It's sometimes perfunctory, but most of all it's provactive.

I can't wait until the next caberet (which I abhorred the thought of until tonight). I am really going to try something new that I have always wanted to try. This community is such a joy.

Now, I'm exhausted. Good night!

arezzo

sweet nectarines, sweaty skins, bruised shins

scrotums

sunset vistas, villas, aperitivos

spritz

tuscan etruscan ball-bustin

no traffic cops or sidewalks

duomos, do you know?

arezzo

First Impressions

Was there ever a time in your life when you couldn't wait to be surrounded by people you didn't know because you longed for new companions? Not saying that your current friends weren't enough or sucked, but did you ever anticipate meeting new people-- making new friends?

I have. Once before when I entered undergrad, I was so anxious for the new friends I would make! Because I had focused so much of my attention on Richard, I wasn't close to anyone except him, and I wanted to meet new people and form new bonds. That way, if anything ever happened to our relationship, I would have people to turn to. And I did make the best friends I have ever had. First, I made lasting relationships with my dorm-mates, then with the people who grew with me in theatre. I fucking love those people.

It's also how I was looking forward to meeting my fellow MFAers in Italy. NOT saying that my friends in Chicago weren't cool because I loved them dearly. I was hoping to connect with people whom I could collaborate with, make art with, and laugh with-- I was hoping to re-meet my friends from undergrad in new bodies. How could I be so naive? I should have known that these people would be different. First of all, we're all adults and have established who we are. Secondly, we all come from different places with a wide-variety of backgrounds. I should have known that there would be no Kelsie-- how could anyone ever replicate her? There is no Chad, no Taylor, no Harvey, no Sharon. All the people I love live in the states and their personalities do not coexist in someone else's body here.

Here are my first impressions of my 12 (oh actually have only met 11 so far...) fellow classmates. I will not name names, label genders, or speak in depth for fear that they stumble upon this. I truly don't want to hurt their feelings, but I do want to record my first impressions. So, in a word:

1. Very Pompous

2. Brash

3. Naive

4. Flaky

5. Kat Guyer/Teletubby (had to do two!)

6. Shy

7. Snooty

8. Arrogant

9. Obtrusive

10. Cool/Friendly

11. Positive

What is their first impression of me? People always say it is so important, but I remember meeting Lacy, Doug, Harvey, etc. and my first impression of them really didn't matter in the end. It was just a funny topic of conversation.

They probably think I'm too... involved in Phil. We really do spend all of our time together, and I often blow off hanging out with them to stay home with him. But can you blame me? From my discriptions, I'm not really clicking with everyone to the max.

I'm not really concerned though. Class starts Monday, and aside from several bumps in the administrative road I am very much looking forward to this. I will try to keep you up-to-date about what techniques we are studying, but not go into too much jargon-y detail. As we learn, we will grow closer and learn about one another beyond the surface. I do very much hope that I can click with them though. It will be very difficult to create the kind of art I want to without being able to collaborate with competent, inspirational peers.

Anyway, enough shallowness. Buona Notte! Did I say that right?

Things That I've Learned About Italy

Here are a number of things that I have learned about Italy:

1. Everyone grows their own olives.

2. Beer, wine, and liquor are cheap here. For instance, a wonderful bottle of wine, a Frizzante Rossa Secco or something, only cost 6.50 euro.

3. Beer is not sold in six packs. It is either singular or in three packs.

4. Coke cans are usually shaped more like a fat red bull can.

5. Rice is packaged in an air-tight package.

6. Grocery store check ladies (never seen a man performing this job here) sit rather than stand.

7. The method of mosquito rejection is not screen on windows, it is instead a mini-heater called a vape. You insert a tiny, odorous chip that emits a smell that mosquitos find unpleasant.

8. There is no air-conditioning in Italy.

9. There is no such thing as a doggie bag at restaurants.

10. It is crude to drink beer out of the bottle.

11. Every household has at least one bidet.

12. I've learned how to use a bidet, and already I love it.

13. Everyone goes to the grocery store all the time.

14. There are rarely sidewalks in Italy.

15. Technology in general is sub-par-- but that's normal.

16. People go out and have drinks and food before dinner. It is called an aperitivo.

17. Many people, at least in Bogliaco, have pet turtles that they build houses for in their backyard.

18. There is no such thing as a full, queen, or king bed. They simply put singularo beds together.

19. Things are both ancient and innovative here. Italians live both practical and luxurious lives.

20. Sex is better in Italy.

Italy - 1st Impression

We made it!

Phil and I began travel approximately 48 hours ago, and what a 48 hours they have been. We left Little Rock eager for what lay ahead. Arriving in Chicago made us both giddy to be home and sad to leave it behind. What a great city. I am most definitely going to miss it. It is as far opposite of where we are now as it can get. Phil and I were both happy with the plan to travel from Midway to O'Hare because we had plenty of time, and we wanted to travel through Chicago one more time. However... it was slightly trying. Our bags, though much better and smaller than luggage, were quite heavy. We each had a stuffed-to-the-rim backpack and a jam-packed laptop bag. We each had an extra 50 lbs., at least, hanging from our shoulders, so the trip was actually pretty exhausting. We stopped at a place we had always wanted to eat about four blocks off the blue line (to O'Hare) called Handlebar that serves all vegetarian cuisine. It was delicious, but the portion sizes were enormous! I had to leave 3/4 of my sandwich in Chicago. Everything was a little overly salted for my latest tastes, but I think I have just become sensitive. We went ahead and travelled to O'Hare about three and a half hours before our flight just so that we would have a place to relax and set down our bags. There we mentally and monetarily prepared to leave the states.

I changed my $237 to euros at the airport. Only got 141 euro back. Crazy! Then we had an easy time getting the boarding crew to help Phil and I get our seats put together, as they somehow were separate even though we bought our tickets at the same time. Horrible seats, but since we flew overnight and over the Atlantic it wasn't too concerning that we were seated in the middle set of three sections of seats. We ate TV dinners while watching 17 Again with Zack Braff. It wasn't terrible. We tried to sleep after that, but only got around 3 hours. When we arrived in Dublin it was 2:30 a.m. according to our bodies, but 8:30 according to Dublin.

We were exhausted, and annoyed to have to travel through security again. We didn't have to take off our shoes, but they did have to inspect my umbrella. Luckily I made it through. The Dublin airport was under construction, so half of it was deserted, broke-down hallways and the other half was a posh shopping area. Bizarre. They also sold condoms, tampons, and jelly beans from the same machine in the bathroom. We had to travel outside the airport and board the plane via a drivable staircase. It was chilly! I insisted on the window seat, since I had sat next to other passengers the whole journey, and I was sooo looking forward to flying over Paris and the rest of Europe, but my body insisted I sleep, so I did for about an hour and a half. When I awoke we were flying over a patchwork of yellow farms that was Italy.

When we got off of the plane my body was begging me not to pick up my bags again, but of course I had to. It was 2:30 in Bologna and very hot. We again exited on stairs and rode a strange bus to the passport check in. We had a bit of trouble buying tickets for the Aerobus that would take us to the train station. It was probably the most stressful moment of the whole trip actually. But all I had to do was break a 20 by buying a candy bar, so it turned out just fine.

We traveled by train from Bologna to Florence and then Florence to Arezzo. Not too hard at all. Bologna was a bit trashy and worn looking to me. When we arrived in Arezzo, we were both delerious from travel and looking forward to a place to rest. A classmate, Taylor met us at the train station took us via taxi to the school where we will live for the next year. He wasn't very chatty. When we arrived we met a series of people, dropped our stuff off, and ate a quick dinner with the students. They have vegetarian food here. :) After that we immediately went to our rooms, made our bed, and went to sleep. Other than waking very early here (I was up before 5), today has been incredibly normal.

So, first impressions. I can't believe how pastoral and rural it is here! Yet urban because there are a lot of people living here. All around us, we see olive groves and backyard vineyards. We're on top of a hill, so we can see for miles. It is witheringly beautiful. Cyprus trees penetrate the sky from every direction, and the houses have clay-red rooves and yellow washed walls. There is an renaissance era aquaduct 100 feet from the school, and you can see the gothic towers of medieval churches. It is very beautiful. Our apartment is small, with no AC, but Phil and I like it very much and can't wait to make it home.

It is insane to realize you have an important question, but don't know the words to ask it. I can't wait to start learning the language. It is dry here, and everyone rides a moped. The staff, faculty, and other students are so far very friendly and clearly have close relationships with one another. I think that they will become very valuable people to me. I miss Darwin, but I know that I could not deal with him here. I have to deal with myself first!

Classes start the Monday after next, and Phil and I are considering taking a bus to the coast for the weekend. Maybe go to the beach and stay in a cheap hotel. Whatever we do, I'm sure we won't have done it before which is so very exciting. For every moment I spend scared or nervous here, I have two feeling exhilarated and in awe. I think this is going to be great!

Before Takeoff

So, I'm moving to Italy in 8 days, and I wanted to record what this means to me and how I feel about it at just this moment. Perhaps one day I will check back, and I will think about how silly I was.

Lately I feel like no matter how hard I try to be positive and good, I am failing. You know how they say that some see the world through rose-colored glasses? Recently, I see the world through gray colored glasses. I can't appreciate the beauties around me, and I can't appreciate this time with friends and family. And though, of course, I feel this way once in a while all the time, this negative sludge has been creeping around in my sight and spirit for too long now. The only reason I can figure is that I am afraid.

Whether or not that has to do with my cynicism, I am certain that I am full of fear right now. I have already involved myself in something so much larger than anything else before, and I am speeding ever faster towards my chosen fate everyday. A week from tomorrow I begin my journey. Am I ready? NO! I haven't packed, I haven't finished my school work, I have no idea where I stand with my financial aid or my cell phone plans, or even my vegitarianism! There is so very much that I must do, and because this is my dream and I am an adult, I must do it all on my own.

Which is fine. I can do it. Don't doubt that. I am just experiencing a little trepidation... and panic. And I find myself wishing more than ever now that Phil shared this dream of mine. Then we could pump each other up, and it would be ok for me to be so afraid. But when I tell him of my fear, he worries that I've made the wrong decision for us both. And I need to be strong for him. This is my choice, and he beautifully chose to stick with me. So, I owe him that at least.

So full of awe that I will be somewhere I always dreamed of next week. And not temporarily. Chicago changed me SO much. Spending these past few weeks in Arkansas has shown me that! So, what will Italy do? I'll be there a year longer than I was in Chicago perhaps. Who will I be when I attain my MFA? Who will Phil be? I have no doubts right now that we will be together in the end. We are wonderful together. He is the pepper to my salt and the wind in my leaves. Maybe we will grow to be the super couple that Maggie predicted we would.

So, this week is the final countdown before my mind is blown from the experience that is Europe. And I have a lot to prepare and prepare for. I plan to record my experience across the sea on this blog, so please keep reading. I know I'm required to keep a journal for class, so some retrospective acting jargon may leak in every once in a while.

Wish me buona fortunas! Did I say that right?