Italy - 1st Impression

We made it!

Phil and I began travel approximately 48 hours ago, and what a 48 hours they have been. We left Little Rock eager for what lay ahead. Arriving in Chicago made us both giddy to be home and sad to leave it behind. What a great city. I am most definitely going to miss it. It is as far opposite of where we are now as it can get. Phil and I were both happy with the plan to travel from Midway to O'Hare because we had plenty of time, and we wanted to travel through Chicago one more time. However... it was slightly trying. Our bags, though much better and smaller than luggage, were quite heavy. We each had a stuffed-to-the-rim backpack and a jam-packed laptop bag. We each had an extra 50 lbs., at least, hanging from our shoulders, so the trip was actually pretty exhausting. We stopped at a place we had always wanted to eat about four blocks off the blue line (to O'Hare) called Handlebar that serves all vegetarian cuisine. It was delicious, but the portion sizes were enormous! I had to leave 3/4 of my sandwich in Chicago. Everything was a little overly salted for my latest tastes, but I think I have just become sensitive. We went ahead and travelled to O'Hare about three and a half hours before our flight just so that we would have a place to relax and set down our bags. There we mentally and monetarily prepared to leave the states.

I changed my $237 to euros at the airport. Only got 141 euro back. Crazy! Then we had an easy time getting the boarding crew to help Phil and I get our seats put together, as they somehow were separate even though we bought our tickets at the same time. Horrible seats, but since we flew overnight and over the Atlantic it wasn't too concerning that we were seated in the middle set of three sections of seats. We ate TV dinners while watching 17 Again with Zack Braff. It wasn't terrible. We tried to sleep after that, but only got around 3 hours. When we arrived in Dublin it was 2:30 a.m. according to our bodies, but 8:30 according to Dublin.

We were exhausted, and annoyed to have to travel through security again. We didn't have to take off our shoes, but they did have to inspect my umbrella. Luckily I made it through. The Dublin airport was under construction, so half of it was deserted, broke-down hallways and the other half was a posh shopping area. Bizarre. They also sold condoms, tampons, and jelly beans from the same machine in the bathroom. We had to travel outside the airport and board the plane via a drivable staircase. It was chilly! I insisted on the window seat, since I had sat next to other passengers the whole journey, and I was sooo looking forward to flying over Paris and the rest of Europe, but my body insisted I sleep, so I did for about an hour and a half. When I awoke we were flying over a patchwork of yellow farms that was Italy.

When we got off of the plane my body was begging me not to pick up my bags again, but of course I had to. It was 2:30 in Bologna and very hot. We again exited on stairs and rode a strange bus to the passport check in. We had a bit of trouble buying tickets for the Aerobus that would take us to the train station. It was probably the most stressful moment of the whole trip actually. But all I had to do was break a 20 by buying a candy bar, so it turned out just fine.

We traveled by train from Bologna to Florence and then Florence to Arezzo. Not too hard at all. Bologna was a bit trashy and worn looking to me. When we arrived in Arezzo, we were both delerious from travel and looking forward to a place to rest. A classmate, Taylor met us at the train station took us via taxi to the school where we will live for the next year. He wasn't very chatty. When we arrived we met a series of people, dropped our stuff off, and ate a quick dinner with the students. They have vegetarian food here. :) After that we immediately went to our rooms, made our bed, and went to sleep. Other than waking very early here (I was up before 5), today has been incredibly normal.

So, first impressions. I can't believe how pastoral and rural it is here! Yet urban because there are a lot of people living here. All around us, we see olive groves and backyard vineyards. We're on top of a hill, so we can see for miles. It is witheringly beautiful. Cyprus trees penetrate the sky from every direction, and the houses have clay-red rooves and yellow washed walls. There is an renaissance era aquaduct 100 feet from the school, and you can see the gothic towers of medieval churches. It is very beautiful. Our apartment is small, with no AC, but Phil and I like it very much and can't wait to make it home.

It is insane to realize you have an important question, but don't know the words to ask it. I can't wait to start learning the language. It is dry here, and everyone rides a moped. The staff, faculty, and other students are so far very friendly and clearly have close relationships with one another. I think that they will become very valuable people to me. I miss Darwin, but I know that I could not deal with him here. I have to deal with myself first!

Classes start the Monday after next, and Phil and I are considering taking a bus to the coast for the weekend. Maybe go to the beach and stay in a cheap hotel. Whatever we do, I'm sure we won't have done it before which is so very exciting. For every moment I spend scared or nervous here, I have two feeling exhilarated and in awe. I think this is going to be great!

Before Takeoff

So, I'm moving to Italy in 8 days, and I wanted to record what this means to me and how I feel about it at just this moment. Perhaps one day I will check back, and I will think about how silly I was.

Lately I feel like no matter how hard I try to be positive and good, I am failing. You know how they say that some see the world through rose-colored glasses? Recently, I see the world through gray colored glasses. I can't appreciate the beauties around me, and I can't appreciate this time with friends and family. And though, of course, I feel this way once in a while all the time, this negative sludge has been creeping around in my sight and spirit for too long now. The only reason I can figure is that I am afraid.

Whether or not that has to do with my cynicism, I am certain that I am full of fear right now. I have already involved myself in something so much larger than anything else before, and I am speeding ever faster towards my chosen fate everyday. A week from tomorrow I begin my journey. Am I ready? NO! I haven't packed, I haven't finished my school work, I have no idea where I stand with my financial aid or my cell phone plans, or even my vegitarianism! There is so very much that I must do, and because this is my dream and I am an adult, I must do it all on my own.

Which is fine. I can do it. Don't doubt that. I am just experiencing a little trepidation... and panic. And I find myself wishing more than ever now that Phil shared this dream of mine. Then we could pump each other up, and it would be ok for me to be so afraid. But when I tell him of my fear, he worries that I've made the wrong decision for us both. And I need to be strong for him. This is my choice, and he beautifully chose to stick with me. So, I owe him that at least.

So full of awe that I will be somewhere I always dreamed of next week. And not temporarily. Chicago changed me SO much. Spending these past few weeks in Arkansas has shown me that! So, what will Italy do? I'll be there a year longer than I was in Chicago perhaps. Who will I be when I attain my MFA? Who will Phil be? I have no doubts right now that we will be together in the end. We are wonderful together. He is the pepper to my salt and the wind in my leaves. Maybe we will grow to be the super couple that Maggie predicted we would.

So, this week is the final countdown before my mind is blown from the experience that is Europe. And I have a lot to prepare and prepare for. I plan to record my experience across the sea on this blog, so please keep reading. I know I'm required to keep a journal for class, so some retrospective acting jargon may leak in every once in a while.

Wish me buona fortunas! Did I say that right?

Paparazzi and the Celeb Obsession

Celeb Pre-School Is a Paparazzi Hot Spot - ABC News


I have long been disgusted by our society's obsession with famous and beautiful. I don't buy Star magazine or watch Entertainment Tonight. It's not worth my time. The events of those strangers' lives have no affect on mine.

The article linked to this really infuriated me though. I just don't understand why we allow paparazzi to behave the way they do with no legal consequences.

First of all, why is it legal to stalk someone? Just because celebrity's lives are cush, does that mean they should have to be subjected to hourly scrutiny? The article says "these people are celebrities and they signed up for this." Did they? Just because one is successful?

We have to get permission from people before using their picture for marketing of advertising at the museum where I work. We can't make a profit off of someone that doesn't agree to it. Why can photographers capitalize off taking pictures of people who try, daily, to refuse them the right?

Why is this legal? I just don't understand. Why do I care about the affect this has on the same strangers whose lives I don't follow? Because I hate that people across the world who disagree with paparazzi still watch TMZ. Or the people who mold their lives around these celebrities, worship them even, and yet hatefully agree that the paparazzi are right: "that they signed up for this."

Do you think it's wrong? Do you support the sources that pay paparazzi good money to act like mongrels? Why?

Real Love? RealDolls

Last week a man visited the museum with his fiance. She was in a wheel chair, and he took her to see the butterfly haven because she loved butterflies. She was sex doll.

After this incident, I found this documentary online. I find this syndrome odd, maybe even gross. However, I can identify with these men. Driven by their lonliness, their testosterone, they have spent $7,000 to have a companion. While watching the film, I was often affected by their treatment of the dolls as real people. They spoke to them, cried when they were gone, and one man even massaged his doll's feet-- a feat I can not even get Phil to do! THis idea actually initially repulsed me, but I couldn't help but recall how much I considered my stuffed animal, Toby's, feelings about things. Imagine if he looked like a real person. I found these mens' stories fascinating, sad, and the epitomy of the human need for companionship. I recommend you spend 45 minutes to watch this.

Anti-Gay Marriage Commercials

I wrote some really confusing and disjointed status updates with these links. Sorry about that. Below you can follow a link to the National Organization for Marriage website where they preach about religious liberty. They just launched a "$1.5 million ad campaign to protect marriage and religious liberty throughout the nation. The centerpiece of the new ad campaign is the 60-second TV spot 'A Gathering Storm,' bringing viewers face to face with the growing religious liberty threat posed by same-sex marriage."

http://www.nationformarriage.org/site/c.omL2KeN0LzH/b.5075663/k.A89C/Religious_Liberty.htm

Below is Steven Colbert's commercial against gay marriage. Enjoy:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/scott/colberts-anti-gay-marriage-ad


Damn, that shit is funny...

Crazy Old Women

I work on an almost daily basis with people who give their time for free to educate people-- children mostly-- about nature.  As you would expect many of these people are elderly, or at least late middle-aged.  Older people have more money, stability, and time to spare, so they are the ones who volunteer the most.  Working with so many more elderly people than I ever have before, I have learned a lot about myself and also, a lot about old people. From what I have gathered I have formed a theory: all women, at some point in their lives, go from normal to completely. fucking. crazy.

They all manifest this insanity in their own unique way, and it is certainly not always negative.  A common theme in all of their craziness though, is the inability to know when not to say things. Or rather, I believe that they all know they shouldn't say these things, they just have somehow abandoned the desire to spare any one's feelings.  They have abandoned the social barriers that help people work together and really, they abandon social order in general.  They all become extreme versions of what they always were.  One volunteer is a caricature of an outspoken know-it-all, another a paranoid, critical banshee, another a frog-pant wearing, spoiled valley-girl. Others sink lower into their own inability to comprehend things-- wandering into formal programs, breaking rules put in place to keep animals from getting hurt, or even explaining sex to young children.

What is wrong with these people? Am I doomed to lose my mind as well? Or am I looking at a minuscule sample of women? A minority group that is interested in outdoorsy things and teaching people? But I would fall into that group as well!  Does that mean I am doomed to call people out when they're wrong and criticise people who are just coming into their own?  I don't want to go into that world. It seems so lonely and full of negativity. 

Or is it a right-- that one earns in time?  That you gain after hearing your own elders express themselves, no matter what, for years? Perhaps it is actually quite wonderful... and that's why all women eventually give in and fully accept who they are- despite the fact that they will break a few social rules.

And why don't men seem to expose themselves in the same way? I work with a lot of older men as well, and they never strike me with the same level of oddities.  Is it because I am a girl? That they can't forge the same kind of matronly relationship that the old biddies do?

I don't know the answers to the questions, and I'm sure you don't either. However, ask yourself this:  Are you a crazy old woman? Are you married to one? Do you know one? 

Why do you think women reach a point in their life when they go out onto their own limb-- for better or for worse?

Hold My Hand

On this journey, we walk hand in hand
me beside you, woman beside man
now I'm pulling ahead, excited to see
but you're not so sure, you begin to follow me
at first i don't notice, don't care maybe
our fingers are still locked indefinitely
slowly though, our hold begins to break
pinky then ring, now the middle's at stake
my focus on the path ahead begins to waver
I turn back to find that you're thinking about later
if I stop right now, will we make it in time?
couldn't you just try? i swear it'll be fine
you nod and you follow but i know something's not right
there's a furrow between your brows, your mouth held tight
smile for me please
I'll beg on my knees
just look at where we're going!
who cares about knowing?

as much as I want it, I know it's not that easy
frankly the whole think is making me feel sleazy
I kid you not, I feel like a criminal
Our hold is really breaking-- the feeling is visceral
I'm hoping and praying, and still it's not there.
I am painfully aware that what I ask isn't fair.
I don't want this anymore
I just want you to feel self assured
But am I willing to give it all up?
I'm still moving forward, but I feel stuck.
If you can't walk beside me, the pleasure is diminished
Will we be ok when it's all finished?