Back on Track

I had three auditions today. And one on Saturday. It feels good to be back out there. I don't really expect anything out of any of them, but I feel like I did good at all of them.

On Saturday, I was extremely fortunate to get an audition slot for an equity house here called Remy Bumppo because I knew the casting director through Matt Chiorini (Thank you, Matt!). It is way out of my league, and I had to prepare two all new monologues the DAY BEFORE the auditions because I got the slot last minute. I did something from Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead by Stoppard and from the Homecoming by Pinter. The artisitic director complimented me on the Pinter piece. Yay! He said it was a very challenging piece to perform and that I did it beautifully... part of me thinks that was his way of passively telling me it was out of my league. I really didn't know what I was doing...

Today, my first auditions was for the ARTsLeague or something. It was Romeo and Juliet and Midsummer.  They perform them every year for local highschool English classes. I really feel like I nailed that audition. The director was very responsive, but she didn't have me read any sides or call me back. She said I would know right away practically, but that she would definitely keep me on file for next year. I am afraid that my schedule conflicts that I vaguely indicated were the reason for the brush off. Next time, I will not admit any conflicts.

The second audition was for this crazy little theatre called the Trapdoor Theatre (probably because the entrance is rather hidden and creepy). They perform a bunch of intellectual theatre. Chekov and weird plays about Kafka and stuff. I performed well I thought, but she totally blew me off. I can go see shows there for free however since I am an actor and I have auditioned for them. Pretty cool.

My last audition today was for a Children's Theatre in the burbs. My monologue was hastily memorized on the train on the way there... not good policy I know... Anyway, it was fine. I felt dumb, but that's just how Children's Theatre makes me feel. I hope I get a call back because it will really pay well. They said I was great, but sent me briskly on my way claiming they were far, far behind schedule. If I got anything (which I doubt I will due to the character list that I couldn't really fit into), it would TOTALLY conflict with my new work schedule, but I was hush hush about it.

I'm not coming to town for ARshakes or Tisch auditions. I just can't afford to work for 8 weeks for $1200, and I don't want to go to grad school right now. 

Check out ding tonight for cheap tickets to visit me.

I start my new job tomorrow; wish me luck. I hope it's a better fit than the Children's Museum is.

Material Things

I was flying high today.

61 degrees today. In January. Phil and I both had the day off for the first time since before Christmas. We had a great night last night. We went shopping at IKEA for the first time. We got some really wonderful things to add to our new home together.

happyhappyhappy.

But then when I got home I discovered that a package my parents had sent to me which I had lazily left at the foot of the stairs earlier was gone. Someone took it. But the problem is that in the package was something very dear to my heart. Completely worthless to any other person, but to me it was very precious. Ok... this is embarrassing. It was a stuffed animal. I left him in Arkansas when I visited. I always sleep with him still... My boob tickles, ok! Anyway, I left him at the bottom of the stairs and some fucking greedy bastard took a package thinking it might be worth something. I'll probably never see him again. I am very sad.

He's probably in a garbage can somewhere right now.

I know it's just an inanimate object. It's strange that I have such stong feelings over cotton stuffing and man-made fabric. I could walk into any Toys R Us and find the exact same raccoon doll today. Only it wouldn't be all flat and dingy like Toby.... his name was Toby. And I loved him.... And I know it's stupid, but still I'm full of grief. I don't think Phil really understood.

Then, I got that new job I've been waiting to hear from for over a month. So, thankfully I can quit my current job which makes me miserable. Now I'm an educator and program designer for the Notebart Nature Museum. Whew.

Then, I went down the stairs to search the dumpsters for Toby. Not only was he not there, but I twisted my ankle at the bottom of the stairs.

But right now, I feel ok. Except the sadness over Toby. My house is spic and span, Phil and I added some new beautiful additions to the apt, I got that job...
And people care about me. I got some very nice messages and comments on that Boo Hoo blog I wrote (that this one is very similar too...) Thank you to all my friends and family that make me feel fulfilled and supported and loved.

But I still miss Toby... Who steals mail??? I fucking hate thieves. In fact, I have another blog about thieves... Fucking thieves...

What a rollercoaster today was.

Boo Hoo

Darwin did not poop or pee in the apartment today. I think. 

That's good news. Both Phil and I had to work all day, and he didn't get to go out for 10 hours. 

I hate my job.

See, I not only find my job agonizingly boring and dragging (even when we have thousands of people visit like they have been for the holidays), but I also find my superiors annoyingly political, lazy, and power hungry. And disrespectful. I'm not going to get into the whys because that would bore you. Just know that it is a horror to work everyday. The people on my level are mostly cool, but we aren't allowed to "congregate" or talk to each other... It's like Big Brother.

I had an audition last night. I haven't had one in a couple months. I am getting new headshots on Wednesday, so I wanted to wait for those, but last night sounded like an interesting opportunity. Some short film, no pay, about lesbians and the show My So-Called Life. Anyway, I went and I... well... I think I sucked. Like really bad. Not that it really matters or anything that my performance was off for some gradstudent with wiccan eye makeup, but it was a very unsettling feeling of not knowing what I was doing. Like I was out of practice. I couldn't stop listening to myself, and I didn't sound like myself talking. I sounded like I was acting talking. You know what I mean? And I couldn't stop. I really tried to just focus on the other person talking, and react to what she was saying/doing. I couldn't. No solution here or anything. Just an uncomfortable ackowlegdement.

Did I mention I hate my job? Hopefully getting a new one next week...

I have good days here in Chicago. Sometimes. I have ok days a lot. And then I have some bad days. I love and hate public transportation. I love and hate all of the crazy people I meet. I had a great time at a party the other night with my friend Rhea. Free food and booze! It was pretty great.  I love the food/bar scene here. My apartment and my neighborhood are great. I love it when my family comes to visit, and my friends.  The weather here... you learn to deal. But I am scared scared scared that I'm not cut out for this thing I have been determined to do. And last night really made me wonder if I'm ready. If I'm not now, then what can I do about it? Go to grad school? I just don't want to right now.  Should I audition for AR Shakes? It probably won't be as great as last year with the pay dropping and all... Should I spoil that wonderful memory from before? 

Trying to act is hard. Just like everyone says. And some days I just don't want to try.