Number 2
Monday, August 25, 2008
Friday, July 11, 2008
Early Summer Haikus
The fourth of July
cold wind seeps under the door
flourescents blind me
lunchtime on the dock
peanut butter and jelly
ducks waiting for crumbs
Independence Day
sitting with Phil in the grass
cool breeze through my hair
seagulls fly overhead
adapted to look for fish
now find lost french fries
chilly starlit-night
spent swaying on the el train
Phil's arm 'round my back
fingers stained purple;
mulberries are such a joy
when picked on lunch break
after party blues:
sexist men so cruelly tease
while boyfriends chuckle
a dull cloudy day
is so judgemental of my
pizza greasy hands
cold wind seeps under the door
flourescents blind me
lunchtime on the dock
peanut butter and jelly
ducks waiting for crumbs
Independence Day
sitting with Phil in the grass
cool breeze through my hair
seagulls fly overhead
adapted to look for fish
now find lost french fries
chilly starlit-night
spent swaying on the el train
Phil's arm 'round my back
fingers stained purple;
mulberries are such a joy
when picked on lunch break
after party blues:
sexist men so cruelly tease
while boyfriends chuckle
a dull cloudy day
is so judgemental of my
pizza greasy hands
Saturday, May 17, 2008
The Duckling
It has just become spring in Chicago in the past two weeks. Where I work there is a large park with a large pond called the North Pond. Lots of animals live in and around the pond, especially birds. So when I heard that all of the ducks have little ducklings right now, I had to see them for myself.
After work yesterday, I wove through the pond side dirt path with a cool breeze blowing my hair in face watching for a tiny duck or two. I finally spotted a mother duck with tons of tiny companions, but they were all the way across the pond. How I longed for a pair of the crappy kid's binoculars we have in the museum! I was watching their tiny figures dart across the water, while staying safely close to their mama, when I heard a rustle behind me. A small, strange bird stood there with a huge worm hanging out of its mouth. Now, I had been learning a lot of new birds lately, but this was a kind I had never seen before. Then I realized - duh, this was a duckling! But where was its mother?
I scanned the edge of the pond near me, but I didn't see a single brown duck. I turned to look at the duckling. It seemed unconcerned with me, or the the fact that its mother was nowhere in sight, but rather intensely concerned with the worm. It slowly, head jerk by head jerk managed to comsume bits of the worm. Before it could shove the whole invertibrate down, a male squirrel spotted its tasty fair and wanted a bite. As I watched, it crept closer, eyeing the treat. I felt protective of the little ducky, so I said to the squirrel, "Hey now, buster. Shove off!" He eyed me stoically before moving closer to the little duck. "No, sir!" I said more firmly, scooting close. The squirrel didn't budge, but the duck did. It moved into the shallow water to finish its snack. The squirrel persued it. Finally, I had to kick my foot at the squirrel to chase it off. It eyed me thoughtfully, hoping that maybe I, like many of the other human visitors here, had a bit of food to spare. When it realized that not only did I not have any food, but that I found its presence near my little duckling (when had it become mine?) offensive, it scittered off.
My duckling had finally finished its worm, and just in time! A mother duckling with eleven little duckies was making here way to the duck. The tiny birds shot forward in the water when they spotted a bug or bit of plant. They were so fast and so small! In fact, too small. They didn't look at all like my little duck... They had a prettier pattern on their fuzzy feathers, and were only 2/3s its size. They were wood ducks, while my duckling was a mallard. I wondered if the mother wood duck would care about the difference and stupidly accept its presence as just another baby bird. As I finished the thought, the wood duck open her beak and lunged! My duckling didn't see it coming! She bit his butt, and he quickly swam south.
The squirrel, the wood duck-- I was beginning to feel more and more responsible for protecting this duck. After this much happening to it already, what else might happen to it before it reunites with its parents? I briefly considered catching it, and raising it or giving it to the animal techs at the museum. But no... perhaps I should just let nature work itself out. Why am I responsible for this duck? Natural selection says that if it is stupid enough to wander away from its protective mother, then its genes should be cut off from procreation. But already I have grown to involved to just walk away. At what point should one make the decision to step into someone else's problem and make it their own? I don't have an answer yet. Perhaps a good person doesn't have to ask themselves, they simply dive in, willing to shoulder whatever consequences there may be. But then Iraq comes to mind, and Bush was not "good" to step into that problem. But I digress...
I followed the duck as it swam toward the southern edge of the pond. At this point I was desperately hoping that the mother would show up and end my dilema, so I followed from just close enough to see the duckling. Two male ducks apathetically observed the duckling swim by. It wandered out of the pond again and up a hill. When it started to wander on the bike path, I felt the need to protect it again. I herded it into some bushes where if found yet another huge worm. Who knew there were so many worms by the pond! As I stood awkwardly on the trail, I'm sure seeming to the people walking by like a total weirdo, the duck ate its worm. It took what seemed like five minutes. I was ready to go home, but the duckling was anchoring me there. If I left, I would be unable to think of anything else, thinking of all the horrible fates that must have befallen my duckling. I searched the water for a female mallard. No such luck. Finally, I noticed a mother and daughter following something in the water. A female mallard! And a male one, and even better, one lone duckling. I eagerly began herding the little duck down to the shore. It's cries of alarm were so quiet I wondered why it even bothered. Once I got it into the water, I realized that this duck too may attack my duckling if she thinks it isn't hers. But the family of ducks is already approaching, and my duck has spotted them too.
My duckling lazily begins swimming towards them, and the family of ducks continues towards us just as lazily. I'm on the edge, wishing fervently that this will work out. When they meet, the mother seems unconcerned. Her duckling doesn't even notice its new rival. I watch for a moment as my duckling swims next to her. Things seem fine. I am elated! I even turn my back and begin walking away. As I look back one more time, I see the male mallard watching my duckling. Will he act like the mother wood duck? The mother mallard opens her beak at him and swims between the duckling and him. Whether that was her duck or not, she seemed determined to accept and protect him, and for that I was incredibly grateful.
Maybe the duckling wandered out looking for worms again, maybe the daddy duck finally drove my duckling off, or maybe I actually reunited a mother and child. I don't know. But the experience was moving, and made me question my involvement in the events of the world. When do you help? And when do you stand by and let the fates take their course?
After work yesterday, I wove through the pond side dirt path with a cool breeze blowing my hair in face watching for a tiny duck or two. I finally spotted a mother duck with tons of tiny companions, but they were all the way across the pond. How I longed for a pair of the crappy kid's binoculars we have in the museum! I was watching their tiny figures dart across the water, while staying safely close to their mama, when I heard a rustle behind me. A small, strange bird stood there with a huge worm hanging out of its mouth. Now, I had been learning a lot of new birds lately, but this was a kind I had never seen before. Then I realized - duh, this was a duckling! But where was its mother?
I scanned the edge of the pond near me, but I didn't see a single brown duck. I turned to look at the duckling. It seemed unconcerned with me, or the the fact that its mother was nowhere in sight, but rather intensely concerned with the worm. It slowly, head jerk by head jerk managed to comsume bits of the worm. Before it could shove the whole invertibrate down, a male squirrel spotted its tasty fair and wanted a bite. As I watched, it crept closer, eyeing the treat. I felt protective of the little ducky, so I said to the squirrel, "Hey now, buster. Shove off!" He eyed me stoically before moving closer to the little duck. "No, sir!" I said more firmly, scooting close. The squirrel didn't budge, but the duck did. It moved into the shallow water to finish its snack. The squirrel persued it. Finally, I had to kick my foot at the squirrel to chase it off. It eyed me thoughtfully, hoping that maybe I, like many of the other human visitors here, had a bit of food to spare. When it realized that not only did I not have any food, but that I found its presence near my little duckling (when had it become mine?) offensive, it scittered off.
My duckling had finally finished its worm, and just in time! A mother duckling with eleven little duckies was making here way to the duck. The tiny birds shot forward in the water when they spotted a bug or bit of plant. They were so fast and so small! In fact, too small. They didn't look at all like my little duck... They had a prettier pattern on their fuzzy feathers, and were only 2/3s its size. They were wood ducks, while my duckling was a mallard. I wondered if the mother wood duck would care about the difference and stupidly accept its presence as just another baby bird. As I finished the thought, the wood duck open her beak and lunged! My duckling didn't see it coming! She bit his butt, and he quickly swam south.
The squirrel, the wood duck-- I was beginning to feel more and more responsible for protecting this duck. After this much happening to it already, what else might happen to it before it reunites with its parents? I briefly considered catching it, and raising it or giving it to the animal techs at the museum. But no... perhaps I should just let nature work itself out. Why am I responsible for this duck? Natural selection says that if it is stupid enough to wander away from its protective mother, then its genes should be cut off from procreation. But already I have grown to involved to just walk away. At what point should one make the decision to step into someone else's problem and make it their own? I don't have an answer yet. Perhaps a good person doesn't have to ask themselves, they simply dive in, willing to shoulder whatever consequences there may be. But then Iraq comes to mind, and Bush was not "good" to step into that problem. But I digress...
I followed the duck as it swam toward the southern edge of the pond. At this point I was desperately hoping that the mother would show up and end my dilema, so I followed from just close enough to see the duckling. Two male ducks apathetically observed the duckling swim by. It wandered out of the pond again and up a hill. When it started to wander on the bike path, I felt the need to protect it again. I herded it into some bushes where if found yet another huge worm. Who knew there were so many worms by the pond! As I stood awkwardly on the trail, I'm sure seeming to the people walking by like a total weirdo, the duck ate its worm. It took what seemed like five minutes. I was ready to go home, but the duckling was anchoring me there. If I left, I would be unable to think of anything else, thinking of all the horrible fates that must have befallen my duckling. I searched the water for a female mallard. No such luck. Finally, I noticed a mother and daughter following something in the water. A female mallard! And a male one, and even better, one lone duckling. I eagerly began herding the little duck down to the shore. It's cries of alarm were so quiet I wondered why it even bothered. Once I got it into the water, I realized that this duck too may attack my duckling if she thinks it isn't hers. But the family of ducks is already approaching, and my duck has spotted them too.
My duckling lazily begins swimming towards them, and the family of ducks continues towards us just as lazily. I'm on the edge, wishing fervently that this will work out. When they meet, the mother seems unconcerned. Her duckling doesn't even notice its new rival. I watch for a moment as my duckling swims next to her. Things seem fine. I am elated! I even turn my back and begin walking away. As I look back one more time, I see the male mallard watching my duckling. Will he act like the mother wood duck? The mother mallard opens her beak at him and swims between the duckling and him. Whether that was her duck or not, she seemed determined to accept and protect him, and for that I was incredibly grateful.
Maybe the duckling wandered out looking for worms again, maybe the daddy duck finally drove my duckling off, or maybe I actually reunited a mother and child. I don't know. But the experience was moving, and made me question my involvement in the events of the world. When do you help? And when do you stand by and let the fates take their course?
Sunday, March 30, 2008
A thing like this can turn your day from bad to good...
Yesterday, I saw my first Atlas Moth! The cocoons had been at the museum since I started there, and we hadn’t heard a peep, but finally one emerged! Atlas moths are the largest of their kind with a wingspan of up to 12 inches! Not only did I get to see this huge beauty, but I. got. to. RELEASE it. It was pretty exciting. I taught a crowd of about 200 people about it, while holding it in the palm of my hand. It’s heavy--like a small mouse.
Two cool things I want you to know about this moth:
1. It doesn’t have a mouth. All of its energy must come from the food it ate as a caterpillar.
2. See antennae below:
Moths have hairy antennae. This moth’s antennae have chemoreceptors on them to pick up the scent of the females pheremones floating on the wind. They smell with those things! Neat.
OK, so I’m a dork. So what! I got goose bumps when I got to hold this huge thing and teach people about it.
Then it was Earth Hour yesterday (earthhour.org), so Phil and I played chess in candle light.
What a delightfully dorky day!
OK, so I’m a dork. So what! I got goose bumps when I got to hold this huge thing and teach people about it.
Then it was Earth Hour yesterday (earthhour.org), so Phil and I played chess in candle light.
What a delightfully dorky day!
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Pride Parade in my Backyard
To all my friends and definitely my family:
Get ready. Plan your visit. Chicago’s wildest parade will be marching past my very porch.
Gay Pride Parade: June 29th 12PM.
Be there. I will.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Random Moment
When that question comes up
Your biggest regret?
Thoughts topple down, but never hit very hard
then theres
that
and that
boys. girls.
fickle fantasies that fizzle
on a dock in the sizzle summer a little drunk under a droopy moon
only a budding baby girl
and a big ol’ boy
but just a baby boy
confessions of love and foolish denials
shallow water, shallow desires
loss of a fragile friendship
that i will never quite let go.
why not?
bigger girl grabs greedily onto what she thinks she wants
drink a little more
block out the tough stuff
drink
drink
drink
bashully black out for the biggest moment
waited so long for that moment
lost it
maybe the moment wasn’t worth the man
maybe the man was worth more than I was ready to admit
the big regrets arent decisions about my life
they are about the people i hurt
the men
the men i really did love
in my way
that i just can’t let go
that slip into my sorrowfulsecondthoughts
sorry, boys.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Back on Track
I had three auditions today. And one on Saturday. It feels good to be back out there. I don't really expect anything out of any of them, but I feel like I did good at all of them.
On Saturday, I was extremely fortunate to get an audition slot for an equity house here called Remy Bumppo because I knew the casting director through Matt Chiorini (Thank you, Matt!). It is way out of my league, and I had to prepare two all new monologues the DAY BEFORE the auditions because I got the slot last minute. I did something from Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead by Stoppard and from the Homecoming by Pinter. The artisitic director complimented me on the Pinter piece. Yay! He said it was a very challenging piece to perform and that I did it beautifully... part of me thinks that was his way of passively telling me it was out of my league. I really didn't know what I was doing...
Today, my first auditions was for the ARTsLeague or something. It was Romeo and Juliet and Midsummer. They perform them every year for local highschool English classes. I really feel like I nailed that audition. The director was very responsive, but she didn't have me read any sides or call me back. She said I would know right away practically, but that she would definitely keep me on file for next year. I am afraid that my schedule conflicts that I vaguely indicated were the reason for the brush off. Next time, I will not admit any conflicts.
The second audition was for this crazy little theatre called the Trapdoor Theatre (probably because the entrance is rather hidden and creepy). They perform a bunch of intellectual theatre. Chekov and weird plays about Kafka and stuff. I performed well I thought, but she totally blew me off. I can go see shows there for free however since I am an actor and I have auditioned for them. Pretty cool.
My last audition today was for a Children's Theatre in the burbs. My monologue was hastily memorized on the train on the way there... not good policy I know... Anyway, it was fine. I felt dumb, but that's just how Children's Theatre makes me feel. I hope I get a call back because it will really pay well. They said I was great, but sent me briskly on my way claiming they were far, far behind schedule. If I got anything (which I doubt I will due to the character list that I couldn't really fit into), it would TOTALLY conflict with my new work schedule, but I was hush hush about it.
I'm not coming to town for ARshakes or Tisch auditions. I just can't afford to work for 8 weeks for $1200, and I don't want to go to grad school right now.
Check out ding tonight for cheap tickets to visit me.
I start my new job tomorrow; wish me luck. I hope it's a better fit than the Children's Museum is.
On Saturday, I was extremely fortunate to get an audition slot for an equity house here called Remy Bumppo because I knew the casting director through Matt Chiorini (Thank you, Matt!). It is way out of my league, and I had to prepare two all new monologues the DAY BEFORE the auditions because I got the slot last minute. I did something from Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead by Stoppard and from the Homecoming by Pinter. The artisitic director complimented me on the Pinter piece. Yay! He said it was a very challenging piece to perform and that I did it beautifully... part of me thinks that was his way of passively telling me it was out of my league. I really didn't know what I was doing...
Today, my first auditions was for the ARTsLeague or something. It was Romeo and Juliet and Midsummer. They perform them every year for local highschool English classes. I really feel like I nailed that audition. The director was very responsive, but she didn't have me read any sides or call me back. She said I would know right away practically, but that she would definitely keep me on file for next year. I am afraid that my schedule conflicts that I vaguely indicated were the reason for the brush off. Next time, I will not admit any conflicts.
The second audition was for this crazy little theatre called the Trapdoor Theatre (probably because the entrance is rather hidden and creepy). They perform a bunch of intellectual theatre. Chekov and weird plays about Kafka and stuff. I performed well I thought, but she totally blew me off. I can go see shows there for free however since I am an actor and I have auditioned for them. Pretty cool.
My last audition today was for a Children's Theatre in the burbs. My monologue was hastily memorized on the train on the way there... not good policy I know... Anyway, it was fine. I felt dumb, but that's just how Children's Theatre makes me feel. I hope I get a call back because it will really pay well. They said I was great, but sent me briskly on my way claiming they were far, far behind schedule. If I got anything (which I doubt I will due to the character list that I couldn't really fit into), it would TOTALLY conflict with my new work schedule, but I was hush hush about it.
I'm not coming to town for ARshakes or Tisch auditions. I just can't afford to work for 8 weeks for $1200, and I don't want to go to grad school right now.
Check out ding tonight for cheap tickets to visit me.
I start my new job tomorrow; wish me luck. I hope it's a better fit than the Children's Museum is.
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