Anti-Gay Marriage Commercials

I wrote some really confusing and disjointed status updates with these links. Sorry about that. Below you can follow a link to the National Organization for Marriage website where they preach about religious liberty. They just launched a "$1.5 million ad campaign to protect marriage and religious liberty throughout the nation. The centerpiece of the new ad campaign is the 60-second TV spot 'A Gathering Storm,' bringing viewers face to face with the growing religious liberty threat posed by same-sex marriage."

http://www.nationformarriage.org/site/c.omL2KeN0LzH/b.5075663/k.A89C/Religious_Liberty.htm

Below is Steven Colbert's commercial against gay marriage. Enjoy:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/scott/colberts-anti-gay-marriage-ad


Damn, that shit is funny...

Crazy Old Women

I work on an almost daily basis with people who give their time for free to educate people-- children mostly-- about nature.  As you would expect many of these people are elderly, or at least late middle-aged.  Older people have more money, stability, and time to spare, so they are the ones who volunteer the most.  Working with so many more elderly people than I ever have before, I have learned a lot about myself and also, a lot about old people. From what I have gathered I have formed a theory: all women, at some point in their lives, go from normal to completely. fucking. crazy.

They all manifest this insanity in their own unique way, and it is certainly not always negative.  A common theme in all of their craziness though, is the inability to know when not to say things. Or rather, I believe that they all know they shouldn't say these things, they just have somehow abandoned the desire to spare any one's feelings.  They have abandoned the social barriers that help people work together and really, they abandon social order in general.  They all become extreme versions of what they always were.  One volunteer is a caricature of an outspoken know-it-all, another a paranoid, critical banshee, another a frog-pant wearing, spoiled valley-girl. Others sink lower into their own inability to comprehend things-- wandering into formal programs, breaking rules put in place to keep animals from getting hurt, or even explaining sex to young children.

What is wrong with these people? Am I doomed to lose my mind as well? Or am I looking at a minuscule sample of women? A minority group that is interested in outdoorsy things and teaching people? But I would fall into that group as well!  Does that mean I am doomed to call people out when they're wrong and criticise people who are just coming into their own?  I don't want to go into that world. It seems so lonely and full of negativity. 

Or is it a right-- that one earns in time?  That you gain after hearing your own elders express themselves, no matter what, for years? Perhaps it is actually quite wonderful... and that's why all women eventually give in and fully accept who they are- despite the fact that they will break a few social rules.

And why don't men seem to expose themselves in the same way? I work with a lot of older men as well, and they never strike me with the same level of oddities.  Is it because I am a girl? That they can't forge the same kind of matronly relationship that the old biddies do?

I don't know the answers to the questions, and I'm sure you don't either. However, ask yourself this:  Are you a crazy old woman? Are you married to one? Do you know one? 

Why do you think women reach a point in their life when they go out onto their own limb-- for better or for worse?

Hold My Hand

On this journey, we walk hand in hand
me beside you, woman beside man
now I'm pulling ahead, excited to see
but you're not so sure, you begin to follow me
at first i don't notice, don't care maybe
our fingers are still locked indefinitely
slowly though, our hold begins to break
pinky then ring, now the middle's at stake
my focus on the path ahead begins to waver
I turn back to find that you're thinking about later
if I stop right now, will we make it in time?
couldn't you just try? i swear it'll be fine
you nod and you follow but i know something's not right
there's a furrow between your brows, your mouth held tight
smile for me please
I'll beg on my knees
just look at where we're going!
who cares about knowing?

as much as I want it, I know it's not that easy
frankly the whole think is making me feel sleazy
I kid you not, I feel like a criminal
Our hold is really breaking-- the feeling is visceral
I'm hoping and praying, and still it's not there.
I am painfully aware that what I ask isn't fair.
I don't want this anymore
I just want you to feel self assured
But am I willing to give it all up?
I'm still moving forward, but I feel stuck.
If you can't walk beside me, the pleasure is diminished
Will we be ok when it's all finished?

My Grad School Statement of Purpose

STATEMENT OF PURPOSE....

.. ..

Antonin Artaud said, “it has not been definitely proved that the language of words is the best possible language.” This quote encompasses my thoughtful journey as an artist from my final days in undergraduate school through my adventure in the“real world.” I have always known that I was willing to do whatever it took to work in the theatre. However, after moving to one of the top cities for theatre in the United States, I uncovered a passion for a kind of theatre that leaves words behind, or at least de-emphasizes them. Experiencing clown, circus, and mask theatre has roused in me the need to dedicate my life’s work to performing and sharing Physical Theatre. I want to set the foundation for that goal by getting the very best training, and I believe I will get that training at ADA. I know that there are people out there that seek graduate school as a means to fame or fortune, as just a bridge to a degree, or even as a way to put off being battered in professional theatre, but for me, attaining a Masters of Fine Arts is a means to getting the training, experience, and future stability that I need to succeed in my passion. ADA is the ideal school for me because it offers an unsurpassed richness of study,the opportunity to work with passionate peers and experts to hone unique techniques where they originated, and the schooling and life experience needed to set foot on the path to a lifetime of doing what I love.....

For a short period of my acting career, I was unaware of most styles of acting that weren’t based in some form of realism. I was surrounded by similarly educated people, and we dreamed together of making films and acting in plays that were just like life. I was satisfied by that, and I did not realize anything was lacking. When I first saw a play using masks, the effect it had on me was striking, and I will never forget it. A new professor at my undergraduate school directed The Visit with a variety of character and neutral masks, and the effect was hypnotizing.Though I knew nearly every actor as a friend, I could not see them behind their masks. What’s more, I found the story instantly more captivating and affecting because I felt like I could see the characters’ true selves. It was haunting and beautiful. Since then, I have sought out circus, puppet, movement, and clown theatre in my current home, Chicago, because I find it clearer, more delightful, magical, and inspirational. In physical theatre, I find an added layer of potency because of its heightened emotional state and its spectacle, and I want that potency to be a part of the rest of my life. ....

In order to do that, I want to participate fully in becoming an expert in the field, and unfortunately few schools in the world support that dream. The few that there are cannot attempt to compare with specialists like a founder of the Roy Hart Theatre or circus technicians like Claudia Schnürer. Some may offer opportunities to study abroad, but never to jewels like the Berliner Schule Für Schauspiel in Germany, the Ecole Supérieure des Arts du Cirque in Belgium, and the Teatro Fondamenta Nuove in Venice. The training opportunities are utterly matchless. Moreover, I know of no MFA programs that can provide the chance to study these techniques on the very soil from which they stemmed. The mere suggestion of studying Commedia dell’Arte in the mountains where it originally toured for the people of Italy is absolutely electrifying. ....

However, for me attending ADA represents more than just taking great classes taught by great teachers. It would be the opportunity to build a community with peers and professionals. I am the type of person who thrives when working closely with other people whom I respect. If I am accepted into Ad'A, I look forward to creating work with people who have similar interests and to experiencing the joy of sharing community-based acting as opposed to the individualized technique that psychological realism supports. The concept of building an ensemble is exciting because the bonds of trust that would be formed would lead to deeper, more truthful work.....

I want to pursue this degree because I am ready to make a commitment to setting my life on a course of performing and teaching performance. I want to spend the rest of my existence sharing the magic of clowning, mask-work, and circus arts with audiences and students alike. I am seeking theatre as an art that shares the extraordinary and the enchanting with the everyman. I want to catalyze students to learn about themselves and inspire other people through these powerful techniques. I have been an informal teacher for six years, and a performer for eleven. To me, these two very different professions are unequivocally linked through a common goal: to illustrate a point of view in order to broaden another’s view of the world. This goal is something I endlessly enjoy and want to do for the rest of my life. Earning an MFA will allow me to teach on a college level,which will offer me stability, an outlet to research and experiment, and the opportunity to inspire passionate young people.....

I understand that I am going to be faced with challenges unlike any that I have faced yet, and I am ready to face them. Performance and teaching performance are among the most competitive professions, but I am ready to fight. I believe that studying at Ad’A will add immeasurable richness to my life, and I would very much like to pursue an education there if you will have me. I’m deeply grateful for your consideration,and wish you the best possible class for your inaugural year.....

Honk Honk

http://www.nosetonose.info/articles/jbarticle.htm

A wonderful article about clowning.

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;



Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,



And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.



I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference. 

                                               Robert Frost

This poem has always stood for me as a kind of mortar to the bricks that built the way that I thought about my future.  I am, and always have been, a bit a risk-lover. This poem suggests, on the surface, that were I to take a less common route in life that I would end up happier, wiser, and better. And indeed, this could be true. How should I know? 

There is another interpretation of this poem. And quite disappointingly to me, this interpretation is favored by critics to be the intention of Frost. Reportedly, the poem is instead about regret and personal myth-making, rationalizing our decisions.  In this interpretation, the final two lines:

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

are ironic – the choice made little or no difference at all, the
speaker's protestations to the contrary. The narrator admits in the
second and third stanzas that both paths may be equally worn and
equally leaf-covered, and it is only in his future recollection that he
will call one road "less traveled by."

Is this possibly the real case in life? Supposing that no matter what path we take in life, we'll end up in the same place or at least the same state of mind? That conclusion relies heavily on predetermined fate, and I don't know if I believe in fate... or do I? I always say, everything happens for a reason, and when something bad happens to me, I always console myself with karma. Will life end up the same no matter what? If so, why the hell would I ever take the rocky path even if the view on the way is a spectacular bluff? I may as well save myself the twisted ankle and sore muscles, and take the well-trodden path. After all, the meadows and sparkling creeks are very pleasant.

But I'm still missing the mark. Really what Frost is doing is just making fun of a bunch of old farts who like to talk about how they made glorious decisions that made them who they are. Well, what if I actually make a glorious decision??  I mean, making any decision is hard for me. If you've ever read that first play I wrote, Quirks, that main character, Indecisive Anne--- that's me. I seriously stood in Whole Foods last night agonizing over a fucking cupcake or a piece of pie.

What I mean to say is... I'm at a fork. I feel like I'm always at a goddamn fork, and I know I do it to myself! But I've already been walking for a while, and I'm tired. Honestly I feel a bit like taking the easy path just now. All that shade and company. It would be so nice to share the burden of all of my baggage with fellow travelers.

But something inside of me is burning. It's this desire to make the hard choices, so that in the end, I will have all the difference. And then my life will have been great. And I will sigh. But not with regret! With satisfaction. I hope. I really really hope. 

Besides, I'll always have my number one partner. And that bluff is supposed to be spectacular...



I hope I get in.

Life Update: Where I am Now

First of all, Happy Halloween. Today, I am depressed.

Life in Chicago has been chugging along pretty steadily upward. It was really tough for a while because Phil and I were struggling to pay the bills and didn't have very many friends. I auditioned and auditioned with no success, sometime putting myself into compromising situations. When I got my full-time job at the Nature Museum things started picking up. I've made great friends now, I love(d) my job, I am gaining footing so that I have more flexibility to pursue my passion, and I have started taking some really great classes and forging connections with new theatre people that I really respect. I have had to really assess my desire to be an artist this year because I have finally had to face the reality of "the biz."  However many times I have descended to giving up my dreams, I step back up with a new perspective. I have become really selective about who and what I audition for, and though that doesn't mean I am more successful, it does mean that I am no longer being treated like an fool that doesn't deserve to be respected. Most of the time...

My job laid off 30% of its staff this month. Some really good friends of mine were abruptly sent packing, and it has been a hard road with out them. My baby, my brand-new all-mine early childhood program that I (with help from my colleagues) birthed and raised to a very successful level was cancelled yesterday. Now, my job is kinda empty. The program was really hard at times, and part of me is relieved. But I know that we are just getting jerked around by this crazy, self-absorbed lady with a vision and a passion for advancing the careers of her friends. I had an interview with the Shedd Aquarium this morning. Very informal. I don't know if it's going to go anywhere. I am not even sure I want the position, but I need to pay the bills. My job isn't very stable right now.

Perhaps this is for the best though. I could have easily seen myself staying at the Nature Museum for years. Now, with the help of some recent inspirational classes, I feel the push to pursue what I really want. And I finally think I know what the next step is to achieve that. 

I have decided, for sure, that I want to go the grad school for an MFA in Acting. I want to do this so that I can either start my own company after graduation that creates the kind of theatre that I think is the ultimate OR so that I can be an acting professor for a school. I know that's what I want. I mean, I have even been thinking about what my lesson plans would be. I am an incredible teacher, and I want the support and freedom to create. And I want to share with people the theraputic, uplifting, amazing feeling that is acting with truth. But I also really want to work with an ensemble of people that I respect to make art that is relevant and truthful and magical. 

So, I need to go back to school. Which i didn't even realize for sure that I would ever do until like, now. Because now I am sure. For sure.

So, now I'm totally FREAKED out because it is fucking hard to get into grad school. And my confidence is way low because I never get jobs here.  But I know that I stand out in my classes, so I know it's possible. But I am scaaaaaaared. I really, really, really wanna get my degree in physical theatre. It's something I am really passionate about. I want to go to Dell'Arte in Blue Lake, CA the most. It's a really new program, and it's in some crazy rural town, but it's curriculum is absolutely dreamy. Obviously, I want to go to a great school though, so I'm going to pursue the best of the best. (Damn I'm scared)

That clown class + the fact that my job is collapsing has really pushed me to do this. I have just really learned lately that life is for living to the fullest, and that means doing what you would kill to do. 

As a side note, I was tired of compromising my appearance for acting when I never get work anyway, so I got a tattoo... on my arm.  Now, I'm freaking out because it was really impulsive and now its there forever. I mean, I love it, but holy shit! I am actress! Whatever, it's who I am and I want to live life truly living it. Experiencing what I am passionate about.

So, that's what's up with me. Phil and I are doing great, and we're in this together thank god. Our anniversary is Monday. Three years! I love you guys who read this. You're my friends/family and you mean a lot to me.