Well, I just walked out of Irby for the last time after my last final on my last day of school.
As I walked out of the side door with the cigarette chimney smoking away again because it's too full of cigarettes and on fire, I was forced to stop for a moment and look around. I didn't want to pass this moment by. This was my last time ever to stroll on the sidewalks of UCA as a student. At first, I just acknowledged it cooly, completely accepting the fact that it was over. I had been expecting it after all. But then, helplessly, I remembered all the things behind me and realized that adult life loomed ahead. I was filled with emotion remembering good and bad, funny and sad. Classes are gone which is great, but so is wonderful UCA theatre which is so much easier to be involved in than professional theatre. And even though it sucks most of the time, at least that's because it is a small university in the deep south. I am afraid of the shitty plays in my future. And I am sad for having to leave all of my friends.
But standing in that moment, regretting the loss of UCA theatre, I was overcome with horror at the thought that now I was anadult. College is, afterall, just an excuse to mooch off your parents, and not do your homework (God, I'll never have homework again... what will I do with all of my time?) I know that I have all summer here, but after that what?? New York? Chicago? Both seem impossible. I haven't ever really only depended on myself for survival. I'm so afraid of failure or that wherever I go I won't find happiness.
I shook myself out of these thoughts as students wandered by staring at me, and tears welled in my eyes. I hopped on my trusty old bike that may or may not make the next journey with me in the big city, and rode slowly away. Then, as if the world itself agreed with my emotional turmoil and threatening tears, it began to gently, softly rain. I felt relieved that at least I could blame my watering eyes on the falling water, and let a tear or two fall as I continued to ride slowly on. When the rain gained force and began to drop more eagerly, something inside of me clicked. Was I going to cling to the past like a baby and let myself get rained on, or was I going to let it go and hurry home to get out of the rain? A smile crept onto my face. I stood on my pedals and began to push more quickly ahead. I looked back toward campus one last time, and this time instead of sorrow I felt a rising sense of accomplishment. I laughed loudly, turned back towards home, and rode as quickly as I could all the way home.
As I walked out of the side door with the cigarette chimney smoking away again because it's too full of cigarettes and on fire, I was forced to stop for a moment and look around. I didn't want to pass this moment by. This was my last time ever to stroll on the sidewalks of UCA as a student. At first, I just acknowledged it cooly, completely accepting the fact that it was over. I had been expecting it after all. But then, helplessly, I remembered all the things behind me and realized that adult life loomed ahead. I was filled with emotion remembering good and bad, funny and sad. Classes are gone which is great, but so is wonderful UCA theatre which is so much easier to be involved in than professional theatre. And even though it sucks most of the time, at least that's because it is a small university in the deep south. I am afraid of the shitty plays in my future. And I am sad for having to leave all of my friends.
But standing in that moment, regretting the loss of UCA theatre, I was overcome with horror at the thought that now I was anadult. College is, afterall, just an excuse to mooch off your parents, and not do your homework (God, I'll never have homework again... what will I do with all of my time?) I know that I have all summer here, but after that what?? New York? Chicago? Both seem impossible. I haven't ever really only depended on myself for survival. I'm so afraid of failure or that wherever I go I won't find happiness.
I shook myself out of these thoughts as students wandered by staring at me, and tears welled in my eyes. I hopped on my trusty old bike that may or may not make the next journey with me in the big city, and rode slowly away. Then, as if the world itself agreed with my emotional turmoil and threatening tears, it began to gently, softly rain. I felt relieved that at least I could blame my watering eyes on the falling water, and let a tear or two fall as I continued to ride slowly on. When the rain gained force and began to drop more eagerly, something inside of me clicked. Was I going to cling to the past like a baby and let myself get rained on, or was I going to let it go and hurry home to get out of the rain? A smile crept onto my face. I stood on my pedals and began to push more quickly ahead. I looked back toward campus one last time, and this time instead of sorrow I felt a rising sense of accomplishment. I laughed loudly, turned back towards home, and rode as quickly as I could all the way home.
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